The Hidden Thing You Might Be Passing On To Your Kids (And It’s Not Just Good Sanskaar)

Somesh Dwivedi/ Founder Successify

We all want the best for our kids, right? Top marks in school, admission to a good engineering or medical college, a bada naam, and a future filled with peace and success. But what if, in the process of building that future for them, we’re accidentally passing on something else – something a bit problematic: our work stress. No parent ever wants to do that! But as an Indian parent balancing the pressure of professional expectations with family obligations, I’ve definitely seen how easily it can happen.

The truth is, our kids are like little emotional radars. They pick up on everything, even when we think we’re being super-parents, hiding all the stress of office. So, let’s talk about how your demanding job – whether it’s a tech startup or a government job – might be impacting your children’s personality and emotions– and, most importantly, what you can do about it.

 

The Invisible Load: What Your Kids Are Really Picking Up at Home

Think about it: Do your kids see you working late into the night, fuelled by endless cups of chai? Do they overhear you on those stressed office calls with your boss? Our actions speak louder than words, No? Here’s a look at what kids might be absorbing without us even realizing it:

 

• • Little Worriers: If they constantly see us stressed, worried about deadlines, meeting targets, and appeasing clients, it starts to feel like the norm. Suddenly, they’re worrying about their exams, their performance in extra-curricular activities, or even how neighbours will judge them.

• • Mood Swings Become the Daily Drama: Let’s be honest, a tough day dealing with the soap opera like drama at the office can turn us into  fire-cracker with shortest fuse. If anger, irritability, or sadness become a common sight after coming home, our kids can start mirroring those mood swings themselves.

• • The Feeling of “Mom/Dad’s Always Busy”: With the constant pressure to kuch banna hai life mein, to secure that promotion, or to support the extended family, we can become emotionally unavailable. Even if we’re physically present, are we really there? This can make kids feel neglected,  and desperately seeking our attention.

• • Mysterious Aches and Pains: Stress manifests physically. Kids might complain of headaches before exams, tummy aches before performing on stage, or trouble sleeping thanks to the pressure of peer competition and fear of being not that good at studies.

• • Copycat Coping: Do you unwind with alcohol after a grueling day? Smoke a cigarette? Or binge watch shows on your phone to escape? Our kids are always watching, and they pick up on these coping habits faster than you think.

• • Feeling Inadequate: Constantly chasing “perfect” and not having the parent’s support makes it worst. I find I am the best version when my family is supportive. If kids constantly see us caught in office work, they might start to think that they’re not worthy of our time, and this can lead to depression.

• • School Struggles: They struggle in studies, lack of focus, lack of confidence. I found in joint family setting they might not get enough focus from elders. We need to ensure they get that

• • Family Feuds: Living with continuous tension and stress becomes toxic. The bond becomes toxic and love can transform in a burden in relationships.

The Long-Term Impact:

Accumulation of small changes over time might causes more difficult situation for kids over the long run. For example anxiety and depression. I found that stress erodes a child’s emotional ability making less supportive and tolerant

Okay, Deep Breath. Here’s How to Break the Cycle in India.

It’s not about being perfect (because that’s a mirage!). It’s about being aware  and making mindful choices to shield our kids from the spillover of our work stress. Here’s what’s may work:

 

• • You First: You can’t give what you don’t have, can you? Focus on managing your own stress levels through whatever method you like, be it yoga, pranayama, or simply chatting with your best friend. But don’t get trapped in social media, otherwise your child will keep searching for a window to peek in you and you will keep creating the wall!

• • Office vs. Ghar Boundary: Easier said than done, especially if you’re working from home. The pandemic time changes have dented this in big way. Even we have created our rooms which are out of bound for our children. Draw a line, put aside work when in family. It will allow to fully switch off

• • Quality Over Quantity If I am present I can make my family understand, be more tolerant and build harmony

• • Stop The Comparison: Most importantly to not compare or force our vision for kids with neighbours

• • Listen and Accept Learn what their feeling and be open for whatever vision they have

• • Safe House

• • Talk and Bond Spend quality family time together

The Takeaway:

I found that being connected creates a ripple positive affection with our children. To improve on creating happy children. Try above mention techniques and give space to allow for children express